LS1LT1 Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
550 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight
safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit whereyou
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when aflight
attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here,find a seat and get in it!"


2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude andwill
be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have.


4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 waysout
of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyedgiving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted."


8. >From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight245
to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into thebuckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if youdon't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."



9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descendfrom
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pickyour favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."


11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."



12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."



13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"


14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn'tthe
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flightattendants
fault, it was the asphalt."


15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captainwas
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remainin
your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what'sleft
of our airplane to the gate!"

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengersexited,
smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in
light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyonehad
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,"Sir,
do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot.
What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shotdown?"

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came onwith
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,we'll
open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways."



20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if youwish
to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if youcan
light 'em, you can smoke 'em."


21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead
is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a fewminutes
the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Iam
so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You shouldsee
the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You
should see the back of mine!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengersexited,
smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in
light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyonehad
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,"Sir,
do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot.
What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shotdown?"
now thats funny i dont care who you are
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top