ThrashN
07-26-2005, 03:03 PM
Got this from another board
*What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
*What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
*What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
*Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
*What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
*Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
*What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
*What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
*What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
*What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
*What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
*Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
*Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
*What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
*What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
*Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
*What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
*Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
*Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
*Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
*Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
*Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
*Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
*Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong
*What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
*What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
*What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
*How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
*Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
*What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh|t..."
*What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
*What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
*What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
*Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
*What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
*Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
*What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
*What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
*What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
*What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
*What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
*Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
*Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
*What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
*What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
*Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
*What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
*Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
*Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
*Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
*Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
*Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
*Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
*Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong
*What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
*What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
*What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
*How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
*Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
*What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh|t..."